This visual diary was my way of processing all that began to unfold in March this year. My heart breaks for those who have, and continue to experience extreme loss and hardship due to Corona. But I wanted to record my family’s experience of it, mundane and uneventful though it was, it is still important to me, and I don’t want to forget…..
I guess it's a pretty significant moment in history, like the photos we see in books we study. These may be the ones my grandchildren look at, as a virtual teacher somewhere in the future reminds them of when Corona came, and how it shifted everything.
I hope the teacher will also tell them it's the time we remembered that we are all connected, and that virtual connection will NEVER replace physical presence. I hope they will say it's the time we built the skills we needed to charge boldly into an unknown future; creativity, flexibility, resilience and kindness. I hope they say it's the time we replaced a fracturing busyness with meaningful living. But I guess time will tell the true story. Right now, I don't even know what tomorrow will bring.
Thursday 26 March, 2020 – The Schools are Closing
The schools are closing tomorrow. Well, not closing, just asking us to stay away. In some ways it's a relief. In other ways I feel underprepared. I've been sending my four children all this week, with a mixture of guilt and defiance. Walking into the eerily quiet school grounds, wondering whether I'm making the wrong choice. Having distanced whispers with worried mums. We're all in this together, but it also feels like we've chosen teams. In or out. And my only line of defence, is to sing 'Happy Birthday' with my kids, and wash wash our hands.
Friday 27 March, 2020 – A Storm is Brewing
A storm has been threatening to break the last two days. The air is muggy, it’s hard to sleep at night, and I find myself wishing that the sky would just open up and dump on us, so the uncomfortable anticipation can be over. I’m starting to feel that way about Corona. At the moment it’s an unknown. And while I can’t see it or touch it or feel it, it could be lurking anywhere.
You know when you’re swimming in the ocean, and you always make sure there is someone further out than you, so if a shark comes, they’ll be eaten first? Watching my little boy walk into a classroom of six today, I had a sinking feeling that we were the furthest ones out, and I don’t know where the shark is.
Saturday 28 March, 2020 – Better than a Blockbuster
Three weeks ago grocery shopping was boring. Three weeks ago I would write a meal plan, order the groceries online, get them delivered to my door while in my pyjamas, and maybe have a little whinge because they made a bad substitution choice.
Now going to Coles is better than a blockbuster thriller! You literally don't know what's going to be around the next corner. You thought you were having Spag Bog tonight, but think again, now it's curried lentils on cauliflower rice!! You thought you were going to have to resort to using the shower after the toilet, but then you round the bend on aisle 11 and low and behold, there is a mountain of 3 ply purple goodness, glimmering like an oasis in the desert. I don't think I've ever walked out of the shops with such a sense of victory!!
There is nothing like scarcity to revive a heart of gratitude. In a land of plenty, I'm truly thankful for the reminder of how blessed we are.
Sunday 29 March, 2020 – The New Normal
This is what church looks like now…. And family catch ups, and staff meetings, and school, and piano lessons! We’ve stepped off the social merry go round, and cocooned ourselves in our homes. So why, with so much lounging on the couch, do I feel exhausted?
I’ve come to two conclusions. Firstly, this brittle brain of mine is learning again. The pathways that were content with sitting in the front row seat, third from the left every Sunday morning, are literally growing neurons as I fire up Zoom!
Secondly, being still has begun to reveal the ways my busy life was distracting me from living. A hunger to re-engage with the truly important things has hit me with a vengeance. And like my 6 year old at the Sizzler dessert station, I think I may have overdone it!
Monday 30 March, 2020 – School of Life
When in doubt, administrate. Somewhere in the back of my brain there must be a belief that if I administrate the crap out of the uncertain unknown, then it will submit to my control and become neat and manageable again. For the record, it doesn’t matter how much you set the ‘classroom’ up with named desks and pencil pots and a schedule on a whiteboard and a whole folder full of crisp print outs, home schooling a 4, 6, 8 and 10 year old is NOT going to be neat. It’s going to be better. It’s going to be messy!
Tuesday 31 March, 2020 – Going on a Bear Hunt
Today we went for a walk around our neighbourhood, looking for rainbows and teddy bears. We found them everywhere. It’s funny how these simple acts bring such joy and comfort. So now there’s an arc of hope at our house too. If you pass it, please know that you are precious, and we’re grateful you’re here with us, in this giant family of humanity.
Wednesday 1 April, 2020 – April Fools
The sun is shining, schools out, but the playgrounds are closed. Kind of feels like a cruel prank. And yet…in the absence of other things to do (besides opening the bulging inbox of online resources which will magically transform me into an overnight teaching sensation, able to simultaneously educate four different ages in a single bedroom/classroom) we dusted off the bike, and something wonderful happened. Callia learnt to ride all by herself!
I suspect humanity is going to be like that. I know there will be great grieving and loss. I know in certain ways we will be changed forever. But I’m believing for beauty too. So with hope in my heart, I’m closing the doors, making a comfortable cave, memorising the freckles on four little noses, and hibernating for the winter. See you in the Spring!
Monday 6 April, 2020 – Things you can See Better in the Dark
It’s amazing how much you can see, when you focus on one thing at a time. This morning we took a long walk at the beach, playing ‘chicken’ with the waves, and collecting shells. We spent the afternoon sorting them into shapes and gluing them to old jam jars. Then at dinnertime, we lit them and enjoyed the way the light made patterns on the dining table. It was deeply satisfying. My body, my mind and my soul feel like they found each other in the slowness. Future self, please remember, today was a gift I would have missed if I’d been busy doing other things.
Saturday 11 April, 2020 – Life Goes On
This is not how this moment was meant to be. I have watched this woman grow; I was there at her highschool formal, there the night she met her future husband, there weeping as she walked the aisle on her wedding day, there celebrating as her belly swelled with her first son. This is not the way our children were meant to meet, and yet…. life goes on, and the determination of humanity to find new ways to celebrate truly amazes me! So for now I’m embracing the string of drive by birthday parties, beyond the glass baby viewings, backyard Easter camping weekends and zoom double dinner dates. But let me be clear, that baby boy is going to get the hug of his life when this is over!
Friday 24 April, 2020 – Love Goes On
Nearly 15years ago she was my maid-of-honour, at a celebration with 200 of our nearest and dearest. This afternoon it was party of five. After spending months planning their big day, Corona restrictions were changing almost daily towards the end of March, until the
‘slightly pared down outdoor’ wedding,
became the ‘family only, we’ll DIYcatering from Coles’ wedding,
which became the ‘none of our family can actually get into the country let alone across the state borders’ breakdown,
which led to the ‘let’s just do it anyway and have a huge party in December’ elopement
which led to an empty room in the Registry office, with five love hearts on the ground (spread exactly 1.5m apart), a bride a groom, a celebrant and two witnesses who conveniently doubled as florist/photographer/YouTube live streamer/ring bearer/DJ/crowd and driver!
As a wedding photographer, it feels like I’ve spent the last six weeks grieving with my friend and with each of my couples as they have grappled with lifelong expectations dashed by current realities. In the end, what has surprised and encouraged my heart, is seeing them all find peace in the process. What has followed, are some of the purest, and sweetest celebrations of love that I have ever seen. After all, what better way to enter a marriage, than alongside someone you KNOW will weather the unknown storms of life with you.
Saturday 25th April, 2020 – Lest We Forget
This was definitely a different Anzac Day. No public marches or crowded dawn services, just each household making a private decision to honour, or to forget. This year, it felt more important than ever to remember. So the sunrise found us standing on our own front lawn with our radio turned up, weeping to that bugle song they always play, and singing a croaky anthem. Up and down the street we could see little spots of light as others did the same, and there was a strange sense of togetherness in our solitude.
After brekkie I was reading up on the end of the First World War, when the battle worn soldiers were beginning to return home. I imagined being one of their mums, overwhelmed with the sense of relief that the worst was over. And then the Spanish Flu hit, taking so many more lives that the war ever did. I saw an image on Facebook this week, of a small wave called ‘Covid-19’ followed by a massive wave called ‘Recession’. As restrictions start to lift, and we breathe a collective sigh of relief, I wonder….
Tuesday 28 April, 2020 – Supply and Demand
We are closer as a family than we have ever been before. We eat, sleep, work, play and breathe each other, EVERY DAY. When you can’t hold anyone else, you hold each other more. But I’m scared that maybe hugging friends, and warmly shaking hands with new acquaintances will be something we forget how to do! Or is it so much a part of our DNA, this need to touch, that we will be ready to embrace the whole world as soon as we’re allowed? Maybe a hug will become the most valuable gift we can give. Maybe it always was.
Wednesday 29 April, 2020 – Schools Back
School is going back today. After being told we should expect Term 2 at home, we spent the end of Term 1 in a flurry of organising the house, buying extra resources and installing better wifi, in an attempt to alleviate the anxiety of facing 10 weeks as an inept and strung out educator/mum/part-time worker. Then, like waking up early on Easter Monday and realising you can sleep in, they said the kids could go back!
There were definitely mixed feelings rolling up to the gates this morning. Knowing that the cousin’s school over East is closed indefinitely makes me feel almost guilty about the ease we are experiencing in WA. The guilt continued as I heard mums grieving the loss of the quality time with their children. But by the time I reached the coffee shop for a quiet latte with my girlfriend, there was a definite spring in my step, you could almost even say a skip.
Things I have learnt as the principal of a small school:
1) I am not a principal
2) I am not a teacher
3) 9am-3pm is not six hours, it’s twelve hours…at least
4) Teachers and principals are amazing and should get paid more
Saturday 9 May, 2020 – Hidden Treasures
We went to our friend’s for dinner last weekend, because you’re allowed 10 people in a house again now. It felt weird, stepping into an environment outside our own home and garden! The usual social rhythms came out like a gruff morning voice to begin with. But we warmed up. Over dessert we discussed what ‘The Great Pause’ had taught us. And I felt a sadness at the inevitability of losing all we had won. When there are places to go and people to see, how will this budding sense of peace and reconnection survive?
We have discovered that we love our neighbours, and in the busyness of our old lives we used to rush past them on the way to other things. In the quiet, we’ve realised that empty days can be deeply satisfying. We’ve learnt new board games, new cuisines, new talents, how to be silly together, how to ride our bikes. As restrictions lift, deep down I hope we will restrict ourselves! By guarding our calendars, maybe we can guard these new found treasures, until they are more precious to us than the old ones ever were.
